Friday, November 29, 2013

Bite your tongue....

Target Panic. Those nasty evil words. Had never thought to have a real dose of it, but this last month I think we are definitely in that zone. So break out the BT, bust down to blank bale and batten down the hatches and Gosh Darn it (I only know one guy who really says gosh and golly... it still makes me smile)!

Folk might have noticed a little peace and quiet of late. I've been light on shooting and busy with other projects, but up until a week or two ago had been happy with what little shooting I was doing. Then after 3 or more days shooting in super gusty evil nasty winds... I find I'm not trusting my trigger so much. I'm finding I lack the patience to let it go off in good time. And an insidious feeling it is too. As bad as the flinch that starts before you shoot when you've hit your arm one too many times... not too different to trying to give yourself a shot of insulin when the last one hit a nerve. No matter how awesome and gutsy you think you are...some things are just beyond self control and no amount of determination can still the flinch.

Contributing to this mess was a week in hospital as an out patient in the DAFNE program. This means I spend all day there, but get to go home at night. This is a program for type 1 diabetics. Your insulin, food, exercise and sickness regimes are all overhauled with a view to better blood sugar control. I met lots of other diabetics and got to see how other people cope or don't cope with our disease and I got to see that my world really just isn't so bad. Not that I ever thought it really was...but I had never realised how much this disease devastates some people.

So I guess I figured everyone approached the world with a gung-ho, take the bull by the horns attitude and I don't think I ever really thought that that attitude makes up for a multitude of fact I'm sure it gets me into a lot of trouble... But I met a person so devastated by illness that their lives had been on hold and they had never been happy in over a decade. Not just by any illness. But by an illness we share. I met people who in decades of diabetes have never been as well on their good days as I have been in the worst of my 5 yrs. And in every case the difference was distinct in the approach. It isn't like you can produce less than zero insulin so it isn't a matter of anyone being more sick, but rather having the tools and or the attitude to push back. And seeing people obtain the tools to gain control of their lives and smile for the first time in years was as heart warming as it was educational. I am blessed in the education, teaspoon of cement and friends and family that have made life with my dinky pancreas considerably less awful than it could have been. And if I knew the formula to giving people their own in built, come out fighting attitude with a hefty dose of education, I would give it. It seems to have saved me considerable trauma.

I have the strength and know how to keep George the Evil Pancreas in his place, so no stupid target panic is going to get me down! Enter patience and time and perseverance...and maybe a lot of recurve :) And gradually the jumpiness is getting better. I figure never let these things settle. So all I have worked on the last few weeks is a calm, strong shot. I'm told target panic is never really gone... but neither is diabetes so they can both bite me.

Target Panic You Evil Beast!